INSULTS - HURTS AND HUMILIATION

EMOTIONAL TRAUMA

Children are like flowers.They are tender, weak and fragile.They bloom and blossom with the manure of love and affection.These are like sunlight and water to the flower.When it is denied, the flower will perish.When the love is denied to the children, their emotional health is shattered and they become emotionally handicapped. When parents start accusing their own children for their very small faults, these children are prone to untold anxiety and depression. Their emotional growth is deprived and they naturally fall as victims into the hands of emotional disaster.

Parents are advised not to make crude comments on their own children.These insults, hurts and humiliation make them more inferior and they feel awkward in facing the challenging situation in

their life. The adverse comments uttered by one crude father against his very sesitive son is beautifully expressed by DR.HABIBULLAH in his picturseque emotive poem. Listen to the crying words of the little one, addressed to his perverted and unloving dad.

food, water and shelter are

the basic needs of men.

even to satiate my needs

i need to overcome

your sadistic sarcasm.

when i eat my food

did you not say

i eat like a horse.

so delicious are

your soft words.

when i drink water

did you not utter

i drink like a fish.

very tasty are

your sweet words.

when i sleep for a while

did you not shout

i sleep like a log.

more sedative are

your soothing words.

how sharp - your hurts are

do you have

a balm - to heal

my mental scars.

hard words

never inspire anyone.

sharp comments

never give serenity.

cutting remarks

never bring tranquility.

words are sharper than weapons

medicines heal- the pysical wounds

how can you heal- my mental wounds.

TOO DIFFICULT FOR THE PARENTS TO ANSWER...AND TO DIGEST.

ANGER ANXIETY AND ANGUISH

ADOLESCENTS AND CRITICISM

It is too difficult for the children and adolescents to digest negative comments and criticisms.A growing child needs care and affection from their parents and teachers;if it is denied to them they feel hurt.The are badly wounded in their heart.They may not show it outside like adults;they keep it suppressed in their subconscious mind.They exhibit their emotions outside, when they are utterly disturbed and frustrated by their close relatives, mainly their parents.But parents abuse them when they need love and affection. They are ill treated when they expect appreciation from their parents,teachers,care takers and close relatives.

The anger and the anguish these children and adolescents express unconsciously are vividly expressed by DR.HABIBULLAH in his beautiful poem.

When these children are allowed to speak naturally it is too difficult to answer them; just listen to their heart beats....

did you not toture me, when

i needed your tender love.

did you not torment me, when

i harbour for your kindness.

did you not degrade me, when

i longed for your appraisal.

did you not desert me, when

i deserved a praise.

did you not turn out to be

an intimate enemy, when

i expect your friendliness.

how could you victimise

the soul of your own son.

how could you eat

the flesh of your own blood.

WHEN SELF-ESTEEM SHATTERS

SELF ESTEEM is an esteemed possesson of a human being.A man is ready to loose his valid material possessions, not his sef-esteem.He is ready to pay any price to preserve his self-esteem.Children are more concerned with their self image and esteem.Modern day parents are not concerned about this.Parents and teachers invariably pass adverse comments on these volatile young children.They do not think about it's adverse effects and how it affect the mind of these youngsters.Children and adolescents are more vulnerable to it.Most of their genuine demands are not respected by their parents.These parents abuse their children verbally with obnoxious languages.They do not know that they are unconsciously inflicting an emotional trauma on the minds of these innocent young children.

Every day the father and the mother hurt these young children with dirty words, bad gestures and cruel comments. These children are emotionally shattered by these incidents. These youngsters are more susceptible to rage and anger.They very often burst into fits and tears.These children weep a lot for unknown reasons.

DR.HABIBULLAH narrates beautifully about the 'child's weep' in his very extraordinary poem.

The poor child expresses his fears and mental agonies with a weep to his unconcerned father.

weep has become

my constant companion

since the moment

I was born.

none knows

the emotional wounds

the inner turmoil,

you inflicted on

my young mind.

I wept, wept and wept

and my weep

turned inside and

trnsformed as 'wheeze'

Is not wheezing

an inner form of weeping.

Is not the cry

an emotional language.

Is not the weep

an emotional communication.

Is not the sob

an exchange of emotions.

Parents in general have a poor perception in reading the facial emotions expressed by their own children.They experience difficulties in recognising the moods of their youngsters.Wheezing in children and adults are mostly due to psychological than physiological, but the physiology of their body is greatly altered by their psychological condition.Wheezing in young adults are due to an abnormal emotional state rather than an abnormal physical state. Children expect love and affection from their parents.If it is denied they become abnormal in their moods and behaviour. It leads to emotional deprivation. These children are more prone to drugs and alcohol and naturally fall into the trap of depression.

WHERE WERE I - BEFORE I WAS BORN

AN UNTOLD STORY OF AN ABUSED CHILD

This is an interesting emotional tussle that happened between a father and his son.Here the son grows and becomes an adult.The character and behaviour of the son is not liked by his father.The father finds all sorts of faults in his son's activities.He scolds him, accuses him and curses him for his bad behaviour.The son was quite and very patient for a long time.He did not rise a single harsh word againt his father.But it is too much for the son to bear the emotional trauma that was inflicted on him continuously.His emotions buried deep in his sub-conscious mind gave way and comes out ferotiously to the surface of his conscious mind.Now he speaks his mind,his words are very bold,measured,enriched with meaning and substance.

DR.HABIBULLAH  has penned this extraordinary poem.He explained and discussed at length the inner emotional meaning of the poem to his very close inner circle of friends,fans and admirers at a special function organised in one of his friend's house recently.

The son is very angry with his father now.He starts asking questions one after another.He tells his father that he should not be punished for his bad behaviour.He says that his father is responsible for his bad charecter.He puts the whole blame on his father's shoulders,because he says he simply follows the foot steps of his own father. and has learnt all bad things from him only.

Now read the poem..

to err is human

to forgive is divine

judging oneside

paves the way to injustice.

justice demands

balance of two sides.

my question is

where were I

before I was born.

neither did I plan

for my birth

nor did you ask

for my conscent.

I was born without

my permission.

the moment I was born

you became my dad.

I am nothing  but

the ingredients of you

your genes and emotions.

The son's anguish and sadness reflect in his throbbing question.He is very logical in his arguments.He asks a simple question tohis father.To committ a mistake is common to every human being.Prophet Abraham committed the mistake of telling a lie.Moses murdered an egyptian.God did not punish them.But you have punished me for my small mistakes.Don't judge your side alone.If you committ the mistake of judging my faults alone you will land in trouble.To your sick eyes my mistakes are magnified.You simply forget about your blunders.If you want justice you need a balance of good mind.Unfortunately you do not possess a clarity of mind.Your judgement is always wrong.First of all you have committed the great mistake or the great blunder of giving me a birth without my conscent.I did not ask for that.I am ashamed that I am born to you without my permission and you have naturally became my father.That doesn't mean that I should act like a slave to you life long.I am nothing but your flesh,blood and bones.I am made by your basic ingrerdients mixed with your genes and emotions.I am not to be blamed for your mistakes because you are responsible for it.

                                                                                                     post to be continued tomorrow.......

DR.HABIBULLAH - A SHORT PROFILE

DR.HABIBULLAH is a highly qualified doctor specialised in pediatric medicine and psychology.In his early years as a biologist he was interested in studies concerned with plant and animal behaviour.He started his career as a pediatrician and developed an interest in the science of mind.Studies on child development,  behaviour and emotional health in children enthused him to pursue a course in psychology.His comparative studies on animal and human behaviour opens a new torrent of insight and illumiation.He dwelt deep in the inner depths of sufi mysticism and psychology that quenched his thirst in experiencing the true essence in the science and inner secrets of sufi esotericism.His analytical mind started experimenting and applying this divine science in the field of medical management of diseases.His vision was further enlightened and the puzzle of 'mind over matter' and 'meditation over medicine' found to be justified.His vast knowledge in medical science coupled with the experience in the field of clinical medicine for more than three decades helped him to synthesize the gap.

He introduced his modified,revolutionary sufi meditation, a spiritual exercise technique that revolutionised  the field of sufi psychology.His innovative techniques concentrating on the special centres of illumination and creativity paved new ways in converting, rectifying, balancing, purifying and energetising the inner mechanism of body and mind.This special mental excercises and methods have proved remarkable rewarding results in mind body purification process and helped to relieve the mental stress, strain and tension.

It is an alchemical reaction in dissolving  the covered personality and exposing  the the true individuality of the self.His system of mind healing techniques gave tremendous importance to the principle of 'holism' according to which the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts - aim to achieve a perfect mind body balance, a state where human being is in complete harmony, as an integrated physical, mental, emotional and spiritual entity - a system which brings man into harmony with himself and nature.

A number of common symptoms in children and adults like weezing asthma, seizures, eczema and temper tantrums are exhibited as an abnormal emotional state - a deep rooted emotional component buried deep in their sub concious mind, rather than abnormal physical condition.At a later date these emotions may emerge to the surface of the conscious mind and manifest itself as physical illness.It is not enough to treat the physical symptoms of the body, unless the bad emotions stored in the mind are relieved.Mind healing alone  helps to improve the physical and emotional well being of the affected children, adolescents and young adults,only then the quality of life in them will be greatly enhansed and improved. 

every child is nothing but the ingredients of their parent's genes and emotions.

a weep turned inside becomes a wheeze. wheezing is an inner form weeping.

a sob is an intimate form of communication - an exchange of affected emotion.

children are tortured when they are in need of the parent's tender love

they are tormented when they long for their affection.

children are degraded when they aspire for their parent's approval.

they are deserted when they deserve a praise.

DR.HABIBULLAH is a master in the art of mind healing.His articles on mind - body health,child health,growth,development,personality and psychology are inspiring,well read and appreciated.Hundreds of his articles appeared in almost all leading news papers,dailies,weeklies and monthly magazines.All India Radio broadcasted some of his medical programmes.He is closely connected with the high-level and apex committees of the government,social and medical organisations both national and international.He was the high - level committee member of the government nutritious meal programme for children and served as a member of the selection committee for president's national awards, ministry of social welfare.He was a member of the tamilnadu government hajj committee and the tamilnadu state wakf - board enquiry committee.

DR.HABIBULLAH is apowerful motivational speaker.Thousands of students,teachers and parents have been highly influenced and inspired by his speeches and their life style have been greatly improved.His psycho-educational programmes are inspiring,heart warming and life transforming.His emotional training workshops are innovative,informative, educative and creative.

His regular workshops on emotional management conducted in india and abroad are well atented by the senior executives of well known corporate houses like ETA-ASCON, MBM, CLIPSAL and many other well known organisations.His book on MIND TRANSPLANTATION is currently under print and yet to be published.His workshops, meditaion camps and talk shows are vivid,lively and inspiring, attracted thousands as his ardent admirers.

KIDS GLITZ AND GLAMOUR

CHILD MODELS

In recent times,newage kids are trained to become super sexy models,to suit the glitz and glamour world to attract their immeadiate adult audience.Every child has a growth and development pattern guided by the mother nature.These children are exploited to grow and develop as adult models with the tools of the kid; an appearence of truth that is false and deceptive-a form of tasteless showiness,brashness and flashiness.

With their trained traits of being rash and hasty with the appearence of strident colour complexion,costumes and glittering ornamentation in the atmosphere of gaudy sound and tastless music these innocent children are exploited to sing and dance like adult models to attract adult perverted audience who enjoy it with carnal desires,wild passion and motives.

These children are instructed to loose their weight in the gyms,eye brows shaped,faces powdered at beauty parlours,braces done with dentists to modify their smiles,noses altered and sharpened with the help of cosmetic surgeons.The psychology behind this mantra is  to look attractive and beautiful,to be like super models and film stars.These kids are told that alluring beauty and charm with sex appeal will capture the attention of the adult audience.They are asked by their tainers not only to attract but to magnetize the audience with the tricks of beauty and sex appeal and to charm them with a sweet  and pleasing smile - an attractiveness that interests,pleases and stimulates the men and encourages them, to cast a magic spell over the audience.Would it be true that the modern mothers and their immediate family members consider it pleasing,more rewarding or that they simply play the role of silent spectators, just like the common audience.

STUDENT STABS RATOHORE- A CHILD MOLESTOR

THE SENIOR S.P. SAYS,THE BOY IS
'MENTALLY UNSTABLE'

The interesting incident happened just three days back in chandigarh.The former Haryana police DGP was stabbed by a college student.He did it in a fit of anger.The man Rathore infact molested a fifteen year old young girl some twenty years back and was responsible for the death of the child.The act is probably the anger that he is feeling and nursing  in a corner of his mind,thinking that the powerful former police chief is exploiting the situation to his favour by manipulating the law and justice system.

The boy seemed to be a calm,quite and devoted student.He used to talk and discuss with his parents about the injustice,that is prevalent in the society.He is from an affluent family.His father is the professor, in the department of mechanical engineering and his mother is also a professor.

The student, Utsav sharma's name is very familiar in the minds of young students.In the schools and colleges, students very cautiously discuss about this matter.These youngsters consider him as a hero for his  courage.

Children are thinking now.They are very cautious and conscious. They know what is happening around them.The atrocities and cruelties committed by these elders are no longer allowed to carry out so easily. The elders may sleep on these matter for a long time,but the youngsters are not ready to allow it  anymore.It is the anger and rage nourished in the young mind of the the student,that suddently awakened  him and guided him to carry out the assault and violence against the disgraced former police chief. Bad elders should learn lessons from these youngsters.Whatever it be, acts of violence have no place in a civilised society because every honest, law abiding citizen have faith in the judiciary system of our country.

MOTHER KILLS HER OWN CHILDREN

MOTHER WAS HARASSED BY THE HUSBAND

MOTHER IN TURN KILLED HER CHILDREN.

The above incident happened three days back in tamilnadu.The mother was regularly beaten and harassed by her husband.She was very angry because of the continuous torture from her husband.She wanted to committ suicide.Before that she murdered her two children.

When the father beats the mother the mother gets angry.The mother becomes very emotional.She can not beat her husband back.whenevever the irritation grows more, she becomes more stressed.When she is emotional she can not think properly.She is always irrational.When her stress level is more she breaks and outbursts her bad emotions on her own children.Children are more fragile and weak.The can't oppose the emotional outbursts of their violent parents.They fall prey to their anger and violence.Without any resistence from their side, they silently succumb to their parent's violence and cruelties and looses their precious lives.It is pathetic that these innocent children are in the hands of their most cruel and violent parents,whom they misunderstood as their protectors and care takers. The question is are these children safe in the hands of their own parents? just think silently for a moment,and pray for the poor kids.

CHILD ABUSE

NINE YEAR OLD CHILD WAS KIDNAPPED, MURDERED AND
CHARRED TO DEATH BY HER OWN RELATIVES

This gruesome and shattering incident happened three days back in Hyderabad.

This 'violent child abuse' was carried out by the child's close relatives.After hearing the death of his dear child, the loving father collapsed and got a massive heart attack and died within minutes reaching the hospital.

This sort of stories happening in our land giving shock waves in the tender minds of our young and innocent children.They are very much afraid of their own relatives.This particular child while reaching to her school was stopped by a mob and the driver was assaulted and the child was kidnapped and then murdred.Nowadays children are afraid of talking to their own near and dear relatives.They do not know who will turn against them when they become emotional.The girls studying in the particular school are shocked to hear the harowing incident that happened to their close friend.

This will make these young children become more afraid.They may get sleep disturbances.They may experience nightmares and night terrors in their dreams.These real stories in a way excel the violent incdents that we witness in cinema.

TEENAGE VIOLENCE

ENGINEERIG COLLEGE STUDENT WAS KIDNAPPED

AND BEATEN BY SENIOR STUDENTS

This incident happened two days back in chennai.The student is the son of a senior I.A.S.officer.The reason was that the boy did not respond to the commands of the senior students.The seniors got very angry with him that resulted in kidnapping and beating of the poor junior student.

ANOTHER ENGINEERING COLLEGE STUDENT WAS
RAGGED,BEATEN AND WAS THROWN FROM    THE
FOURTH FLOOR OF THE HOSTEL

This incident also happened  in chennai.The boy sustained very serious injuries and his condition became very critical.

A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD SCHOOL BOY WAS BRUTALLY

MURDERED BY HIS CLOSE FRIEND

This incident happened in salem district of Tamilnadu.The boy gave his friend some money to purcahase a mobile phone.His friend did not purchase the mobile phone for him.He asked him to give him back the money.His friend tried to cheat him.The boy got angry and told him that if he did not give his money back he would complain the matter to the head master.His friend got very angry and brutally murdered him in the bath room of the school hostel.The police arrested the teenager and produced him before the court.

The modern day youth are emotionally imbalanced.They do not know how to control their bad negative emotions.These adolescents are rich and are from an affluent family background.Economically they are strong;emotionally they are very weak.College education may help them to get a degree.This may help them to get a good job.These childeren are hot tempered,born to fight and learn to terrorise their co-students.They do not learn any good amount of moral training from their family.They have no good role model to follow.They learn all bad lessons from bad companions.Cinema teaches them every thing they need to pursue a bad career in life.In kerala even thirteen year old boys consume alcohol.Mini bars are available every one kilometer distance.Emotionally imbalanced children are more prone to alcohol and street drugs.No doubt that their bad emotions slowly convert them into typical sociopaths,they in turn become psychopaths.

All the above incidents happened in school and college premises.These students in general are intelligent and they are above average in knowledge and skills.They can study well and can get good marks.They may pass their examination with distinction and may even get good jobs and earn lucerative emoluments.These adolescents will carry not only good qualifications with them where ever they go but also carry with them their bad emotions.

The most important contribution education can make to a teenager's development is to help him toward a field where his talents best suit him where he will be satisfied and competent.The above incidents simply shows that these children are educationally more competent and emotionally more incompetent.

Instability and inconsistency of daily family life are rampant in these segments of our society including the well to do and highly educated family.IQ in no way conributes to success in emotional life.Academic intelligence has little to do with emotional life.

These children should be trained well to handle the emotional crisis in their life.They need the following abilities in general.

the ability to motivate oneself
the ability to face frustration in day to day life
the ability to control one's basic impulses
the ability to control one's moods
the ability to delay gratifications
the ability to regulate one's emotions

These youngsters are good in handling their physical skills,mental skills,academic skills and mental skills.They  lack the ability to handle their emotional skills.Thoughts of worry and instability in family integrity confuses these younger minds.These children in general feel tired, fatigued and exhausted Students who are anxious, angry or depressed do not learn.The mind does not stay long in school works.Thoughts of self-pity,despair,hopelessness and helpnessness make them jittery and loose interest in good life.These frustrated children turn their anger and frustration towards the society in which they live.They expriment their bad emotions with their close friends and associates.A small emotional outburst land them into trouble.A friendly conversation ends in bitterness and violence.They are badly motivated by their bad feelings and emotions.


Emotional management programmes for children and adolescent are conducted
freely in schools and colleges.

To organise a free programme inside the premises of your school or college you can simply contact:

Email: doctor.habibullah@gmail.com

Dr.Habibullah is available in chennai now.
He is availble until the end of february.

TEENAGE SEX

QUESTION

I am a teacher.I attended one of your progammes recently.Most of my students are addicted to cinema.They have more interest in cinema than their studies.Most of the time,even inside the class rooms they discuss about their favourite cinema heroes and heroines.Girl students are no exception to it.These students are devoted fans of their cherished heroes.They talk about the most intimate scenes that they have seen in the films and even enjoy discussing about it very openly.As teenagers they are more interested in discussing about the sexual affairs of their favourite ones.Our openion is that cinema, has corrupted the younger minds totally.A thorough discussion on sex education for these younger generation may help them to understand the misconception they carry in their mind about sex.I am thankful if you please give me some valid suggestion on this matter.

ANSWER

The new age teenagers are totally a different breed.They are for more advanced in technology and the information they have on modern day gadgets are far superior than their teachers and their parents.They understand things without much explanation.Their knowledge is vast in most of the delicate subjects.Cinema is a very small entertainment for them.They gather all sort of information in a better way than their elders. Most of the modern day youngsters are tech sauvy

and their techniques in handling the most sensitive subjects are superb.But it is good that some value based sex education by shool counsellors and doctors may help them to understand the subject in a clear way.Child sex abuse is very common.Children should be advised how to report these matters to the teachers and to their parents without any hesitation.Guiding the new generation, teaching the good morals, inculcating the good habits, and making them and moulding them to be a good and healthy citizens, no doubt lies in the hands of the most respectable teaching community.

MY FATHER DRINKS DAILY.WHEN I DRINK HE GETS ANGRY

QUESTION

My father drinks daily. He has set up a mini bar in our house.Every weekend he invites his business friends and serves alcohol.I am familiar with his favourite brands.I developed a taste in drinking.I too boozes regularly with my friends out side.One day he caught me in a drunken state and beaten me very harshly for that. My mom came for my rescue,and he pushed her down.I became very angry after the incident,and start boozing more.I am very upset.I am not attending school now.I attended your emotional management programme recently.Please guide me.I cry a lot because I have learnt this habit only from my father.

ANSWER

Children learn many things from their parents.Parents are their first teachers.Children watches the activities of their parents very closely.You confess that your father is responsible for developing this bad habit in you.I really appreciate your bold statement.It is too difficult for you to advise your father to change his old habits.Please understand that if you drink alcohol,it will interfere with your brain development,because you are a very young boy.You can not concentrate well in studies.You may even loose your co-ordination in your day to day activities.

I appreciate that you have asked this question.Tell your mother and also some respected members of your family to guide your father in this regard.You can tell this matter to your family doctor also,so that he may advise your father in this regard.Unless your father changes himself for the best,and adopt himself to become a better role model for you to follow,he has no moral right to punish you in this regard.As you are the elder son of the family you have certain responsibility on your young shoulders.When elders do wrong things,youngsters need not wait and watch things silently.As a new age youngster you too can take some harsh measures to correct the bad habits of the elders even if they happened to be your parents.Please consult a family psychotherapist in this regad.Once again I appreciate your very honest and an upright question.